SIGHT

Waking up going about her day when the phone rang it was a familiar voice she heard on the other end. Mattie body shaking with disbelief she said in a loud voice when and what happen. The conversation was stopped by the voice of her husband saying what happen. Tears ran down her face as she continued to hold the phone. It couldn't been that she said as she wiped the tears from her face. The day that her little sister would have to grow up and become a real woman. Many times in life we have to choose a path and be committed to it. Nettie would say as they grew up in the small city that she was that mouse in the story that stayed in the small town and Mattie was the big city mouse.

When you go through life thinking you can see everything that is present you will find yourself sounding like a fool but not Nettie she thought she had it all figured out. Mattie would say to Nettie you think you see 20/20. Nettie didn't pay any real attention to this statement since she was the one with the family graduating with honors and pursuing a full filling career. Oh but now she knew what Mattie was talking about because she was place in a very different situation and the glass house she and her family was living in would come crumbling down before them.

It started with a trip to Mexico, Nettie was taking her son so he could experience getting out of the United States. The beach was crystal clear, sugar sand beautiful Stanley said. She left her husband of 20 years behind because he often would tell her he didn't like to travel so Nettie and the children would often go on trips because just the opposite she loved to travel and experience different things. Nettie and Stanley checked in the hotel La Castle. La Castle had granite counters and the floor was tiled with brilliant colors, crown molding deep golden color trimmed the ceiling, tropical plant and tree perfectly place in the lobby.

The room had a balcony with the view of the ocean breathtaking to see, two queen size beds with welcoming baskets. Nettie told Stanley to relax and the next day schedule was place before him. Stanley couldn't sleep so excited to be in Mexico and living so rich he per tended to be a millionaire and ordering dinner sitting with his back to the large headboard. I would like a steak cooked medium. He began to laugh at himself and told his mother how he appreciated traveling though the years with her and that he also shared the love of meeting different people and seeing different things.

Nettie was off to the shower. The steamed filled bathroom with water slowly finding it's path down the mirror. Nettie could not help but think of the terrible news she had received prior to getting to Mexico. Questions rang loud in her head of the insanity of the idea her friend, lover, and husband of so many years could have committed such a horrible crime against a child. She began to cry, sobbing uncontrollable Stanley appeared in her mind. She was determined not to let this problem get in the way of them having a wonderful vacation. She quickly dried off and headed to bed. When she open the door she saw her second born child fast asleep.

SECOND DAY

The sunlight glaring through the window awaken the Nettie and Stanley. Nettie started by saying up and add them the old saying her mother would hurry the kids to school in Nettie's childhood. Stanley rubbed his eyes as he tried to adjust to the bright light in the room. Nettie was up and putting on her cargo pants, she told Stanley to dress for the jungle. Stanley was happy to do so in hopes for a very interesting day.

The tour guide arrived at the front of the hotel. The sign on the cart said Jungle life at it's best. That is our ride said Nettie. Just as she was entering the cart her cell phone started to beep it was a message from Mr. William Post her husband of twenty years, it read I need you here we are having a family crisis. She quickly replied to the message what could be the problem now.

Stanley could tell in her eyes there was something very wrong with this picture. She began to pace on the side of the cart the driver stated we must leave now to make it in time. She agreed to get on the cart and leave. Stanley asked her was there anything he needed to know. Nettie replied no.

Nettie tried to continue with the trip and act as if there was nothing wrong, when the whole family would be changed because of the actions of her husband indecent acts. The jungle trip was very entertaining for Stanley but Nettie could not fully enjoy the tour or the trip knowing that in four days she would have to explain why she did not tell Stanley his father was arrested and in jail.

Two months before this trip Nettie was feeling very sad and depressed about the direction her relationship was headed. She began to pray and ask the Lord and Savior to direct her path and if her marriage was not going to work to send her a sign that she could not help but react to. So many times before William would sweet talk her back into the relationship stating it the right thing for the kids and them. Nettie always fell for this since she was the product of a single parent home. She at an early age told herself if she was lucky enough to have a family she would do what ever it took to keep the family intact. How she made so many sacrifices for her family and keeping the idea family by people standard. The glass house looked wonderful from the outside, however that was so wrong the bitterness and hate inside was enough to create more mental issues than the law allow

C. H. R. I. S.

Customized thinking is one of the most deadly things to fall into. To customize any type of situation or garment is to make a perfect fit. This simple template may only fits one small segment in the journey of life. The moderation in getting the composition correct and not customizing things to fit the situation, we currently embrace is golden. Colorful garments seems to draw the eye closer to experience the brilliant texture, as for humankind a very expressive person can cause people to take a closer look at the complex identity of individuals. I dare you to show one person in your inner circle the true identity of you.


Hypothesis, as my late mother would have told me and my sibling, it's like an anus everyone has one and some don't have a clue what to do with it. So don't find yourselves always looking for the cause and effect in everything you do. Life should be live more than studied. Although, I have to be very careful in this statement because there are a lot of people who would burn me on the cross because the study of human nature drives society in predictions. Options on the menu make your dining pleasures individualized, it does not matter if the table next to you orders the same identical food selections. The experience you have with your taste buds are owned by you same for life's footprints unique qualities for and about you, it just happens with you surrounded by people experiencing similar pleasures and sorrows. So focus on the special identity curves of your fingerprint in life learning to enjoy the laughter and embrace the sorrows that continue to groom us on this path.

Relate is to narrate or tell. It is a six letter word that challenges us to take a look at the way we would like to express our lives goals and accomplishments to the important people in our lives. The sad thing in relating is that we become so overwhelmed in the approval of co workers, friends, relatives and yes even strangers. Their are friends of mine whom instead of putting a great foot forward they would much rather stand still and let life pass them by. I try hard not to just throw up my hands in these situation but I soon remember by the grace of my higher power GOD I could have been in this same situation. Note to self don't judge less ye be judged this even means yourself.

Important incisions in flesh can be considerate life saving procedures in the medical field. The cutting away of muscle, skin, and bone in some situations can be what heals the body and soul. This is why it is important to make sure you have your finger on the pulse of life. But, I must caution you that having the pulse for long periods of time can stop circulation to vital organs. I like the idea of check up during the year to make sure my pulse or goals are being targeted and my course stays steady to accomplish what I have set out to do in life be a help to others and love myself first.


Situations can come about that leaves you gasping for air. In these times it is good to have a safety blanket or a net to break the fall. This can be one of the most uncomfortable things in life and if you can find your way out of these situations your ladder will continue to go up until you will reach the stars and lay with the moon. Now safety is something that many Psychologist write about and the pros's to getting this need met at an early infant stage. What I know about safety is that many times people revisit this stage when things are not going so good. So we need to take a little time to evaluate our blanket for holes and weak areas. Strength will not be a factor in every waking minute but if ever the blanket is tested with weight you want to know it will hold up.

G. A. R. F. I. E. L. D.

Going away can be a very special time used to get from a point in life to another peak in the continued growth of the human aspect of living. The earth was placed through a cleansing period from the early days of Noah. The span is somewhat comparable to the life cycle that has started to reveal it's purpose for me. Forty days and Forty nights rings high on my list of great overall quotes. The beginning and the end of two separate births must be birthed out of pain. The relief of it is that the pain can remarkably be forgotten, if the rewards is great. The way that a mother often states when going through labor that she will never place herself in harms way again and find herself embracing the next pregnancy.


Away the times continue to go, on the time line of life and we should not be confused to think that anyone of us will be here to the ends of the earth. However, we should embark upon the idea of making whatever time we have a positive note or as my brother would often say a good dash in the obituary. Now I don't hold any to do manual or a self help book stating what works for you all I have been given in this life at this time is what works for me. I travel when I have a lot of thing that have to be figured out and decisions to made. My travel is a time where I can focus on the inner true feeling.


Relief can come in all kinds of ways there are relief stop points where it is made for you to take a minute to re evaluate the situation you are currently experiencing. The rotation of life allows you to get to this point many times in your life. The way I realized I had a relief point was after experiencing this for about ten times call me stupid I just could not choose the path in which my mind and soul was telling me to do because it seemed to conflict with everything I told myself was important to me and my so call core family. Growing up in a single parent home for the most part, I told myself after losing my father as a young girl I would have something I never would have experienced as a child a complete family. Looking back at the pain I put myself, family and friends through I can not help but to tell everyone who will listen LOVE YOU first the best thing anyone can do for others you care about is to love you.


Forward is the way the car drives mostly as for the driver they may reflect on the past by taking a quick look at the rear view mirror but the main focus is on the upcoming road and obstacles ahead. This method should be used in life as we navigate throughout the life miles on these trips we call our lives. There are many conversions inches to foot, feet to yard, yards to miles and so on my point is that it might take a few inches to make your foot stable, a few feet to make your relationship steady and few yards to make it a success. Whatever the comparison is the need to keep you car in traffic and going forward is a must.


In finding yourself and what about your personality causes you to see the good in you. Finding the bad is not a hard thing for most people to do we can list a dozen thing in less than five minute time. Take time to list the positive thing you never notice about yourself and every day tell yourself a good thing you listed in an effort to up your personal worth. I thought of my personality, beauty, sense of humor, intelligence, shapeliness as some of the selling points to my personal wealth. I am happy to state that once I started the process I found that more often than not I had no problem attracting positive people in my life. I also had to rebuild my profile. In fact, overall, we are impressed with the how others stack up to what is place in front of us in the different types of media, we must stop and think for ourselves and evaluate things of importance and doing this we can change our situation.


Every important issue has a positive and negative image. There are people that will continue to look for the negative in everything and to those people I believe that to everything there is a season I just hope that the negative can bring about a positive to the many. The basic problem with issues is that you can let them lead you to depression by over thinking. So keep it simple and know that with mental health it is a continuum and at times we are far left and wide right. I would try to keep it mid field but if you find yourself in the left or right lane don't be upset keep going forward.


Living is a gift. The whole idea of living is going about attempting to learn and figure out what is best in your situation. Take for example my life I'm forty years old and as a young child I wanted to protect my mother and sibling rather than find out what made me tic. The young lady became preoccupied with making her man happy which lead to making her children happy. The results 40 years down the road I was a MESS. I allowed myself to be used to make the glass house mentality. Meet the family on the streets and the average person would say you have such a great family achieving the American dream with a home, cars, white collar job. Real life the children witness physical and mental abuse in large portions. The abuse was even embraced in a sick kind of way. I'm so happy I have a loving family that loves unconditionally if not for this I could not be where I am today living life as ME forgetting the nay sayer's. Living life is not a jail sentence and should never be felt as such in the event you think so remember every human being is a special package.

Daily evaluation will keep you on target, reflect on the pass, embrace the future and live life from the drivers seat, take time to relax and relate. Keep you first and embrace the different qualities you bring to this whole world and make it worth while. MESSAGE LOVE YOU AND LIVE. I hope this brings someone closer to finding happiness.

Pride 11

Two days they stayed with Donnie Ray. He took them to see Mo and Rick everyday. The day arrived and Mo and the baby were going to be able to come home. Everyone was excited about the idea that it was going to be a great moment. They wanted to talk to their mother and get her emotional support after all they had been stressed about her and the baby along with the sadness of losing their father. We were taken to the house to get everything straight for the new baby. Kae didn’t want anything out of place. Mae was doing the bedroom she told her sibling that she wanted to make sure that the room was free from all germs. The baby could catch colds and stuff fast she told Bobo and Kae. Mae washed all the linens and made up the crib and fixed the dresser with all the new baby items she was so satisfied with her duties that she did not keep up with the time. Her cleaning led to her imagining her holding the baby and helping Mo with the upkeep of the child. Kae and Bobo called Mae to the front of the modest three bedroom home with one bathroom were they decided to place a large banner welcoming the two home. Mae told Kae and Bobo how wonderful the idea was. They quickly went from cleaning to art supplies and tape decorating the banner. The banner read WELCOME MAMA AND RICK HOME. They hung the banner up around the front door. They notice people reading the banner. Later people began to bring food and drinks and gifts over to the house. This had now become a coming home party the kids did not mind. The next thing Mae heard was Bobo running to the door and telling everyone who had came to the house Mama and the baby are here. People hurry out to the car to assist Mo with the baby and belongings. Bobo was confused at the tears Mo began to have he thought this party should have made his mother happy. Bobo began to cry and apologizing about the people and the party. Mo said in a concerned voice I’m not mad I’m happy. Bobo told his mother how come you are crying then. Mo turned to the people and said tears of joy.

Who's earth is it anyway

The world is so interested in the prices of gas than earth friendly product and methods to improve the world for ourselves and future generations. It is a scary idea to me that my great grand kids will not be able to go out side without wearing shields. This may seem out there to suggest that this could be a possibility. As the gases eat though the ozone layer, weather changes and kids are smarter the idea of cars having technology like reading breath vapors and using eye movement to adjust mirrors the possibility is not so far fetch after all. I want to be proactive in my efforts. I realize that people waste naturally and to conserve take a conscious effort. Many other alternative fuel sources exist that we are not using such as the sugar cane ethanol and more wind/water energy. I hope that this time were prices are keeping average people at home will help bring more funding and discussions about other earth friendly products.

love your world.

Pride 10

Donnie Ray came into the door; Mo began to smile and nodded for him to come closer to the bed. He told her how sweet she looked. She could not believe he was saying these things to her in front of the kids. Mo just smiled and reached for his hand. Donnie Ray wanted time alone with Mo. She could feel the tension and told the kids to take some money to the snack area to get a few things for them to eat. They was more than happy to go. This gave them a little time alone to talk.

Mo told Donnie Ray how she was happy he came. He just looked at the dark completed child and could not help but ask Mo was he the father of this child. Mo answered with the confidence she knew he need to hear, yes he is yours he look just like your mother. Donnie Ray began to smile again reminding himself that he too had very dark people in the family.

Mo tried hard not to think of the possibility that Rick could be someone else. Everyone knew of the affair that Mo had with the star child of the Bottom, including Donnie Ray. It started when Mo was walking down the steep hill. John would always flatter her with beautiful words. This would make Mo’s day and she would continue to tell herself he was just a spoiled child that would never be a man. She needed a man. Her man was Donnie Ray. She would convince herself of all the good qualities Donnie had. She listed them one by one when she found herself get weak for the Star Child. This must had went on for about a year. She remembered the first time she had a serious conversation. John was intelligent and kind. He went out of his way to attempt to make Mo happy. She enjoyed the whole courtship and found herself falling for the very man she told many people she would never like. The next thing she knew she was going for walks in the park and spending weekends with John.
The children return to room 112 to find Rick in the arms of Donnie Ray they liked Donnie because all of the things he did for them and their mother. Of course it was okay for him to hold their little brother. The kids gather around him and smiled at Donnie and the baby. Donnie gave the baby to Mo. It was time for the kids to leave. Donnie told the kids to give Mo a hug and head to the car. They followed instructions. Donnie gave Mo a kiss on the head and rubbed Rick on the bottom and walked out the door behind the children. The got to the cream color Pontiac and made their way to their seats. Donnie told them they were going to stay at his apartment until Mo got out. The kids was happy they had never stayed the night at his apartment.

The drive from Jonesboro was interesting to Kae. .She always waited to see if Mae was going to say something that they all wanted to know but would never say. Mae in her strength and honesty asked the question Kae and Bobo would talk about after hearing bits and pieces of the possible paternal identity of Rick. The question are you our brother’s daddy came flying out of Mae mouth before Donnie was ready to talk about this to anyone. He quickly answered in a confused voice UH yes, of course where are getting these questions from. Donnie told Mae not to ask this question of her mom because it will make her very mad. Mae promise that moment to not say a word about this to anyone else. Donnie made sure that Kae and Bobo knew that statement was for them too.

Pride 9

SEEING BABY BOY
The walked down the never ending hall and there the Nursery was located curtain pulled together the railing to the window was vacant the slowly went to the window and knot on it to get the nurses attention. The curtain pulled back with a quick pull and there stood the obese nurse with black trimmed glasses pulled down to the tip of the nose resembling Kae’s second period teacher, Mrs. Durham.

Mae could not speak, Kae wringing her hands, finally Bobo told the nurse they wanted to see the Diamond’s baby. The nurse turned an approached an incubator and reached in and brought Rick Diamond to the window. We looked with joy that now we could take him home and play with him. Kae told Mae and Bobo that she remembered when each of them came home for the first time. The big baby boy 11pounds 12 oz. 17 inches long and a head circumference of 16 would be totally dependent on them and of course Mo.

They went back to see Mo. He is the prettiest baby in the nursery said Kae, Mae remarked not really mama I seen a cute little baby he is too big to be a new born. Mo said he don’t suppose to be cute he is a little man. Frank and Emily laughed. Many questions started to come from the three kids everything from mama he is your baby and our brother we will just have to wait our turn right, Mo replied with yea baby. Who will he sleep with, would they be allowed to take the baby to the park and show him off? Mo told them he is my baby. Mae said yea Frank and Emily told Mo they had to be leaving they had to go and check on Tammy and Sheniece. Mo told them to go head on and she would have Donnie Ray come and get the kids from the hospital. Donnie Ray was Mo main love interest. He would come and stay weekends with us. The kids liked him very much he seemed to make Mo happy. The kids didn’t want to leave before feeding time. So they seen Frank and Emily out to the car and hugged them and thanked them for taking them to Texas as they were instructed by Mo before leaving the room behind them.

The door opened and there was Rick crying and kicking his little legs out straight. It was time for the feeding. The kids watched as Mo embraced the little baby, he seemed little now all alone. Mo asked Kae to get the bottle nipple and apply it to the bottle of amber looking milk. She did as she was told and handed to Mo, the nipple came in contact with his jaw and he quickly got the nipple in his mouth and started to suck so hard that he made these little squeaking noises. The sound was so cute to Mae that she had to break the silence. She said will he always sound like that when he was getting feed. Mo smiled and said no just for these few feeding he will get the hang of it and all work then. They took turns holding the baby after Mo rubbed his back until he burped.

Pride 7

Back to Dodson

The trip back home was the same mileage but the trip felt much shorter to Kae. She told more stories. The stories was told to deaf ears both Mae and Bobo was fast asleep. Kae talked with Uncle Frank and Aunt Emily about how the arrangement would go once they got back to
Dodson after Mo had the baby. Frank told Kae you know your mother I’m sure you all will be right there with here. You know that the family is her for Mo but she will want you all to herself for a while. Emily asked Frank did he get the camera because Mo told them to be sure to take pictures of everything so she would be able to see how it went. Frank told Emily that he took all those pictures but he was going to see how Mo feels before offering her the opportunity to look at them. Emily said I know she might not need to see Rob. He just did not look the same.

Mae had woke up to hear this part of the conversation and said to them his head was injured badly it is not rocket science he don’t look alive. Emily told Mae to watch her mouth she had enough of her smart little mouth. Mae gripped the seat in frustration but became silent and hoped they would not discuss such stuff around her. Mae closed her eyes and started to bite her lip with anger. Frank told the kids to get out of the car and stretch their legs. Kae was the tallest of the three and she jumped out of the car and bend down to stretch. Bobo just stood outside the door and looked at Kae. Kae told the two of them the will be sorry they did not stretch because they still had a hour and a half to go before getting home. The got back in the car and off they were again. The area was familiar to them Bobo read the mile markers and told us how much more time he thought it will be before getting home. Mae wondered would her mother be waiting on her with those beautiful big brown eyes.

They finally arrived at the house to find a note on the coffee table. Mae seen the note first and yelled Mama’s not here. Frank picked up the note and began to read it aloud. Hope the trip went okay I had to go to the hospital I’m in labor. Frank quickly called the hospital to see if she was there. He looked at Emily and said they say she is in labor. Everyone ran to the Buick 225 and they left for Jonesboro to Jackson Parish Hospital. The town was about twenty minutes away from Dodson. The kids were overwhelmed with emotions they had just left the funeral services and now they was off to see a new addition to the family.

Mae thought God sure do work in strange ways. Emily began to say that’s what people always say that you lose a person and someone is having a baby some where else. Just about this time the car pulled up to the hospital and they ran out into the ER to see if they could locate Mo. The clerk at the desk directed us to Room 112. When they got there Mo was sleeping and lethargic from the birth process. She hugged the three children and said you all have a little brother. His name is Rick. They asked the nurse to see the baby but they told them they could come the window of the nursery and look but the baby had to stay there until the next feeding time.

Pride 8

The kids walked back into the hospital and told each other their ideas for the baby. The jobs they need to assist Mo with the everyday task of paying bills and simple stuff like that. Mae and Kae told each other about cleaning houses for a little money until Mo was able to go back to work. The idea was a good one Bobo thought. Bobo told the girls how he could mow yards and pick up trash for Mrs. Mary and Mrs. Nettie. They ladies always wanted him to do something so they could justify giving him five and ten dollars for men work around their houses. They so wanted to help out and keep Mo from being stressed since they overheard the older people at the funeral say how stressed Rob was over trying to pay the bills after having back surgery. Kae was just about to tear up when Mae told Kae and Bobo that Mama don’t need us to be weak. The strength again shined though for the Diamond kids. They were talking around the vending machine when some nurses overheard them planning all these things. Mrs. Gray was a nurse that had taken care of Mo Diamond. The nurse was overwhelmed with the kindness the children had shown in attempting to find a way to keep Mo less stressed. Mrs. Gray went to the nursing station and told of the conversation the children were having and the other nurses hearts were touch. Mrs. Gray entered the room prior to the childeren with the baby in here arms. They knew that it was time for the feeding and the could not wait to get in the room to see their brother.

Pride 6

The

Finalization

The finalization of the grave measurements and the most important thing to Mae was that it was dry and her dad would not have to be in water. The earth was dry and the measurements were perfect and the casket was lower into Rob eternal resting place. The drive back to the family home was quiet. Frank did not speak to his niece he just would glance and smile at the enter strength she had.The house was full of voices and laughter this did not help Mae’s state of mind. Frank could see in Mae’s eyes that she was very close to losing her temper. He feared what would come out so he quickly approach her and attempted to explain why everyone was smiling and laughing. He told of personal experience and how when he lost his mother he could not understand why people was laughing and talking as if the death did not happen. Mae eyes filled with tears and she told him of the hurt she felt like no one cared enough to grieve for him. Frank continued to tell her of how people were remembering stories and things he did to keep from crying. Mae told Frank that she did understand how they still could do it. Frank took Mae by the hand and told her how proud he was of her. Mae so heavy hearted could not eat the food at the house ranged from greens, corn, dressing, chicken, fish, and a multitude of other dishes. The day pass fast and it seemed like it was only two minutes ago she was burying her father on the hill hours after the funeral services. Mae and Kae vowed they would celebrate their father’s birthday which was the day after Halloween and the candy they get would be what they use. Bobo, James and Jack was playing in the room. Kae and Mae went to the bedroom and comforted each other. They was going to be leaving the next morning and wanted to hurry back to check on Mo. Mo had called a few times and spoke with them but they could tell she was very sad and stressed.

Pride 5

The day of the funeral
Mae was staring out of the window at the rain drops forming on the edge of the window, wondering how the family was going to be able to deal with the last time they would see her daddy. Mae eyes filled with tears but being the strong little girl she prided herself as she quickly wiped the evidence away before anyone would be able to see that she too was very hurt and she loved her daddy as much as Kae. She continued to sit and look out the window hoping her mom was okay and that she would get a chance to see her. The death of Rob scared her and she did not want her sweet, hardworking mother to face this same fate. Moments later the voice of Mae’s grandmother stopped her wondering about sad events. Maggie Mae said it time to get ready for the funeral Mae stop daydreaming and help Bobo with his tie this caused Mae to direct her attention on the task of getting ready.

Everyone was escorted to the limousine in which they would be carried to the Chapel. Mae, Kae, Bobo, Frank and Emily were escorted to the second limousine. Faith, James, and Jack was riding in the first limousine along with Grandma Maggie and Grandpa Victor. The Chapel was in eyesight when the rain started pouring down as if some one had turned on the shower. Mae told Kae and Bobo that the rain was a symbol of the grounds that Daddy walked. She said he travel a lot that is why it is raining so much. Frank and Emily could not believe that Mae was stating some wise tale that they had often told others.

The door opened and Mae stepped out and helped Bobo out. Bobo eyes red and filled with water. Mae wiped his face and in a soft loving voice said I’m right next to you, I will help you if you help me. Bobo smiled and grabbed her hand tightly. Kae was sobbing uncontrollable
Frank and Emily were on each side of her anticipating her sorrow. The family marched in after the Pastor reading from some book in the bible Mae could not understand why the family had to be led into the Chapel. The family pews were reserved and one by one we filled the eight rows. The Chapel seem small and dim. The first song was Precious Lord. Mae held Bobo hands so tightly hoping she would be able to give him strength she feared losing control. Bobo continued to cry without making a sound tears ran down their faces and they continued to hold hands without wiping. The time to view the remains was at hand. The guest were stood up and led around the Chapel passed the body and the family everyone stopped and hugged and gave words of sympathy. Now, Mae knew it was now time to take that last look at Daddy. She wanted to look but she knew if she did she would not be able to control the tears and crying so she decided to leave out without seeing her daddy for the last time. She could not get out in time she started to scream this shit is not right!

The next thing Mae remembered was the grave site.
The grave was deep and wet surely they couldn’t put daddy in there it was wet he might get cold or even worst he might rot. The thoughts came to fast to even attempt to stop. Mae heard someone say what she had been thinking in such a rush, Rob can not be put in this sloppy mess screamed a close friend. The funeral home personnel asked that the family and guest leave before the body was placed in the ground. Mae was not having any part of that. She searched for the voice that was able to say what she felt. There he was a large frame man with mangled gray and black hair with a small amount of facial hair, dark gray eye glasses and hands large enough to cover the whole Bible.
He told the funeral personnel he would gladly pay what ever it cost to move his site to the hill area where it would be more suitable for his close friend. Mae went and stood up beside the man and told him how happy this made her. The man smiled and said he would have done the same for me. It seem to take hours to get the grave site done and that was okay by Mae and her new found friend. They told the other family members that they would stay to make sure everything was in order. Frank and Emily knew that Mae was not going to leave no matter what until every thing was done and she thought it to be okay by her standards. Frank told Emily that he would stay there with Mae. She told her uncle that she would be fine but Frank did not leave her side. Frank thought of how they had been right about Mae all along being strong enough to stand on her own even at the age of ten.

Pride 4

SEEING OFF THE KIDS

The morning started with the great smell of bacon, eggs and grits cooking on the old worn stove that had seen more that a few good years.Mae was the first in the kitchen to see who was making staying in bed on this lazy morning impossible. Mo and Fatmamma were cooking up some breakfast before sending the kids off to Texas. Fatmamma continued to talk about how important it was for Mo to stay calm and not over think the situation. Mo wanted to go with the children so badly.

Rob was in a relationship with another woman and Mo being the wife had all the control over the funeral proceedings. Mo wanted nothing to do with the other lady, Faith but had to talk about the details of their relationship and what children they had together in order to do the obituary. Mo decided with Fatmamma help to allow Faith to write the obituary. Mo decision to let Faith do this was one she found herself stressing over. Later that morning Frank and Emily were at the door to pick up the kids and take them to Texas for the funeral.

The Buick 225 was cleaned and the white walls of the tires were so clean that you could eat off them; the burgundy color glittered in the sun light. Mae, Kae and Bobo gathered up the luggage and placed them in the trunk. Mo ran out to the car and gave the kids hugs and kisses and cried with them before leaving. Mo waived and Fatmamma help her back into the house. Mo told Fatmamma of the time that Rob came home and agreed to move back with the family. The accident happen the night that he was coming to start over with Mo. Fatmamma could not believe what Mo was telling her. The children were told that he was coming to get them to spend Easter with them. The trip was made for Hot Springs were they were going to take the children. The trip was one that the children would not forget after all they were going to bury their father.
The trip rides prove to be one long ride. The game of counting green cars grew boring and Mae went to sleep the game ended shortly after that they were only in Many, La about four hours away. Kae saw a wreck which caused her to cry and wake the others up in the car streaming “that’s what happened to my daddy”.

Pride 3

THE DAY AFTER DEATH PAYS A VISIT.
The next day their eyes resembled oranges with the amount of swelling. The children had stayed up all night telling stories. Kae told the children how when they were together as a family they would play games in the backyard while Rob would take Mo and pick her up and swing her around to get her dizzy. The patio was filled with flower of all types because Mo had the time to tend to her flower garden. The happiness she told about made the kids smile and this was what the big sister wanted. She told of the times they would play in the room with all the toys they had from Star
They wished they could have remembered the lovely stories their sister was telling. Mae had been the child that was mostly affected by the separation of her parents. Mae was most of the time very violent and fought at the drop of a dime. People in the neighborhood would often tell Mo that she would be the child that killed and went off to the women pen.
Mae was so upset but for different reasons than Bobo and Kae.
She was upset because of the hurt in her mother’s eyes and she knew that the baby could be affected with the amount of stress of death and the stress of making arrangement. The family came together. Mo family decided that she needed to ask the Dr. Wung about making the trip to Spring Texas to the funeral proceedings. The answer was that she could not stand the stress along with the emotional grief this would place on her and the unborn child. Mo being the mother she was decided that she could not place this stress on the child and decided to send the children with her brother Frank and Emily.
The next few days was a full of phone conversations with the funeral home. Mae stood at her mother‘s feet as she made these difficult decision one after the other. The other children were not as emotionally strong to be a support to their mother. Mo knew that Mae was so strong yet very weak in a sense. She tried to put on a good face during the conversations but found herself embracing Mae because she was there. Mo best friend Fat mamma came to support her in the last three days prior to the funeral. Fat mamma knew that sending her children to face one of life’s most difficult times would be a sad moment to Mo.

Pride 2

The green and white house in the Bottom of the Bugtussle square was full of life with the three kids and a busy woman at the head of the family. The situation happens ten years earlier when her estranged husband was on a routine trip to pick the children up for the Easter break. The excitement was at an all time high with Mae, Kae, and Bobo.

The idea that they would soon be staying a complete week away in the big city of Houston enjoying the sun and fun of the Texas area was too much for the three of them. The truth of the matter was the city was not Houston but the suburb of Spring Texas. The clothes was carefully placed in the luggage that their mother had when she travel to Los Angeles to see her sister and brother three years prior. Mae placed her favorite pair of blue jeans with her pink and blue button up ruffle shirt. Mo told her kids to be sure to pack their church clothes after all it was going to be Easter Sunday and she did want them to get to Texas and not have the necessary items.

The children attempted to stay up and wait on Rob to come and pick them up but the sleep came and collected each of them. Mo was unable to stay up to because she was expecting a child and in the last month of her pregnancy. Kae was waked up by the constant ring of the phone. The caller insisted to talk to Mo. Kae felt that it was important enough to wake her mother knowing if Mo didn’t think it was important she would be fussed at but this did not stop her from getting her to the phone. Kae stood by and watched to see if she was correct in her decision. The phone dropped and Mo stood yelling no. Kae was so confused and the sound of Mo yelling woke the remainder of the children.

It was about ten to twenty minutes before Mo was physically able to speak with the children. She started the conversation with a soft whisper as if she didn’t want to hear the words come from her mouth. The words your father had a accident. Bobo said that he knew something was wrong because his dad had promise to be here before he went to sleep. Bobo seemed to be relieved to hear this news. However, he was not ready to hear the other part of the conversation. Mae got her mothers attention and said so what hospital was he in, Mo big brown eyes filled with water and she began to say how he loved all you. Kae ran from the room to protect her ears from hearing what Mae and Bobo knew that Daddy was dead.

M. A. M. A.

Mother's Day fast approach with the wonderful voices taking time to say the kind words of appreciation. The most appreciation most mothers get the entire year. I don't have the opportunity to say those words because I have neither a mother or grandmother to give the appreciation of the years of stress, love and support that many individuals will have to voice this great appreciation. I don't know of another person in my life that had the wisdom and understanding of what I needed. So it is with great care that I will give this small thanks to Mrs. Arlene Morgan who gave me the gift of life and the nurture to be able to exist without her guidance at this mid point in my life. I hope anyone reading this small thank you get the best blessing I could give this year the gift of HOPE. I promise that life is what you make of it and sometimes it will not be what you expected but it will be worth living a lesson I have in the last past two years found to be true. My sibling I love you and my only sister Happy Mother's Day to you, Carolyn.

Berry

BLACK BERRY PIE

Episode #2

The black berries were blooming, the scent caring for miles away. Children were gathering in the meeting hall, an old house near the swap to map out the directions to the largest berry patch. Nikie and Murl directed to go to the east of the pasture where Mr. Moss keeps his three old sway back horses. Bobo and Tina to the north end of the pasture and Mae and Tyann to the west of the pasture pass the old cemetery.

Nikie and Murl singing along the path, picking big black berries the size of dimes to hear the sound of them falling to the deep bottom of the red chittening bucket was like hearing a miniature bomb explode. Shortly after the hour Murl decided to separate. He finally told Nikie that they could surely win the berry contest if they split up and pick a bucket a piece. Nikie didn't mind the separation as long as the reward would be the ten dollars that Mrs. Mary promised and a giant piece of the Black berry pie.

Nikie had a half of bucket full of black berries and the odor of the sweet berries was very tempting. She continued to pick one berry at a time and dreamed how juicy the berries would be if only she could taste a few. She fought with the temptation. Now about 10am the morning breakfast that was so filling started to fade and the hunger of the berries arose and her hand dug into the chittening bucket suddenly Placing hand full of juicy black berries in her mouth at a time. The wonderful taste for out weighted the ten dollars and waiting for Mrs. Mary black berry pie to finish, cool, and serve would take years it seem like to Nikie.

Soon after eating four or five hand full of berries, she was overly grieved wondering just how mad her partner would be after seeing the black berry stain on the front of her sky blue shirt. Even more important how her mother would feel knowing that the task of hopefully regaining that crisp color would ride in her capable hands. Just thinking about the idea of her mother upset, sent chills down her spine. Nikie hurried to another section of the pasture still in the east field started to pick so fast that the stickers didn't seem to matter. Nikie could hear Murl in the distance calling her name. She tried hard to ignore the voice, picking even faster to try to assure that her bucket would be full and perhaps she would even have more berries than Murl.

Murl soon caught a glimpse of Nikie and started making his way to her side yelling out how he had found a good spot. Nikie soon stop picking and focus on where Murl said it was a good spot. When Murl reached the side of Nikie he was slightly disappointed yes she had three thirds a bucket of berries but he seen the stain on her shirt and argue with her about how if only could have went without tasting the berries they could have won without going back to complete the bucket in which Nikie and Murl had. Murl red bucket was full and he had to be careful not to spill berries over the rim. Murl directed Nikie to the good spot and completed the bucket. Walking slowly back to the meeting house they called Liz Place to get more buckets to grantee a win. Murl told Nikie what he would do with the ten dollars.

Bobo and Tina were the lazy ones of the group they went toward the north end of the pasture. However, when they seen Candy, one of the horses of Mr. Moss they couldn't pass up an opportunity at trying to ride the sway back horse. Tina warned Bobo against trying to ride the horse. She was upset about going to the north side because about a month ago she was walking and Mr. Star's big black and brown German Sheppard had tried to bite her. So animals and her didn't seem to go hand and hand fearful of the horse temper she back up and quietly watched Bobo as he tried to ride her bare back.

Bobo being the typical boy was yelling at Candy. Bobo now on Candy's bare back began to kick the horse side. However, Candy continues to graze on the emerald green grass that was Mr. Moss pride in the middle of a drought in the majority of the Southern United States of America. Bobo soon bored with Candy uninterested in galloping to the kick of his feet. He proceeded to get back to the idea of picking berries. So once again Tina and Bobo were off to the north of the pasture. Tina noticed a small berry patch near the railroad. They immediately changed directions and headed northeast to the patch. Picking berries and eating berries after 2 hours of picking they didn't have enough between the two of them to fill not even one bucket. Tina disappointment in the efforts to win the contest decided if the contest was to be won it would take her doing it alone. After the decision was made by Tina to win she became a black berry picking machine picking black berries at a record speed.

Bobo was totally impressed on the ability to pick black berries. Instead of him chipping into help her pick so that they would win the contest he sat down under a tree to take a break. Why pick when he dad the secret weapon (a berry picking Tina). Meanwhile, Tina was growing tired with one bucket full to the rim and the second bucket near the rim Tina stopped to take a break under the tree with Bobo. Bobo and Tina talked. Bobo pleaded with Tina to eat a few berries as a reward just in the case they didn't win they would have a reward of having a few berries as a mid day snack. Tina overly tired didn't oppose her partner's idea. So they sat and ate berries and laughed thinking about all they did that day. The day was getting late and they decided to go back to meet the others at Liz Place, the meeting house near the swap.

Mae and Tyann had an adventure of themselves. They were directed to go to the West end of the pasture an area that kids rarely went alone or even for that matter with two or three. The west end of the pasture was just past the old cemetery were old scary stories originated. These scary stories scared the children of the bottom and no one ever wanted to go to the cemetery alone or even at the eve of the day. Tyann and Mae tried to be brave as if it really didn't matter that they had to pass the old cemetery. The slower they walked paying special attention to every sound. The wind seem like it was blowing against their every step. Mae was so scared she couldn't remember the whole reason she was foolishly walking near the cemetery. Tyann had to remind Mae of the ten dollars of prize money and the wonderful steaming black berry pie of Mrs. Mary.

Just as they began to feel safe an owl started to hoot. The sound was so laud that the two of them started to run. Tyann pointed to the owl and they laughed at how scared they were to hear the odd sound. The cemetery was just a few yards away Mae reached for Tyann hand and the two of them walked at a rapid pace to get though the cemetery. However, the girls seen a large tombstone and the glitter of the stone stopped them. Mae decided to go closer to the tombstone to see if she knew the deceased. The name on the tombstone was Chris Johnson. The years read Sunrise 1980 Sunset 1992.

This was surprising to Mae because she was just a few years younger than this person. Many questions started to fill her head. Who was He? Where did he live? Did he attend their school? Did he have a sister? Who were his parents? What did he die of? Was it an accident, suicide, or a very bad sickness? Mae just nine years old had never thought of death at such a young age. This terrified Tyann and Mae. They both began to cry for the boy sitting now at the foot of the sparkling gray marble tomb. They made a pack that they would come every month to visit the grave and place a stone down so he would know that someone cared enough to come.

They searched around the grave to fine a suitable stone. Tyann found a stone beautiful caramel color stone with a small black spot on the side, shaped like a boat. Mae could not find anything she thought was good enough. Mae venture out a little from the grave to find a pretty rock. She finally found a brown and oval shaped rock. She placed the rock ever so carefully upon the headstone unlike Tyann which placed her rock on the foot of the tomb.

Now they where off again to the berry nest just pass the cemetery. There about ten yards pass the Bugtussle Cemetery sign was so many black berries. They picked and picked until all the buckets were filled and then began to fill their pockets with berries. Heading back towards the cemetery the girls was please with the fact they no longer viewed the cemetery in the same way. No, not now since they became so emotionally connected to Chris Johnson. The beautiful grave of the twelve year old was an event neither Mae nor Tyann would forget. Now the only fear Mae had was the fear of knowing that young children could die.

Tyann was very quiet the entire trip this troubled Mae. Mae wondered what she was thinking about so deeply that she didn't even respond to her calling her buck teeth. This was a nickname that the children around the bottom often called Tyann because her two front teeth grew back and they stood out to far. Mae again taking a stab at humor joked about how scared they were before they entered the Bugtussle Cemetery. This respond got a smile from Tyann. They had reached the meeting hall, Liz place and began to tell the story of how they discovered the large sparkling grave of some Chris Johnson and how he was only twelve years old when he died.

This caught the children interest and they began to ask some of the same questions Mae asked herself in the cemetery. Who was Chris? How did he die? Did he go to our school? Did he have any living relative still living in the Bugtussle community? By this time Mrs. Mary was walking in the meeting hall and told the children Please put your berries were I can see what each team have to offer. Bobo and Tina, Murl and Nikie, and of course Mae and Tyann gladly revealed the amounts. Bob and Tina two full buckets, Murl and Nikie four full buckets and a half of bowl full of berries were noted. Mae and Tyann two buckets barely filled to the lower rim of the buckets. The winner of the berry contest was by far Murl and Nikie. However everyone had picked so many berries that Mrs. Mary agreed to bake every team a berry pie to enjoy

episode #2

Childhood after Mother's death. Days, nights and night, days passed until it all became a reality that mother was no longer with us. My sister, Liz was our mother now and she did everything she could to try to kept us together. She had heard from others and social workers that we would have to have someone tot take care of the seven smaller children and if not the state would have to be informed of the matter. It came to passed that our sister go married to D.L. Fountain and got a small house beside the lake on tail bottom street. It was all good until one day the social worker came and said "We have found homes for your brothers and sisters, you can not keep them, but you can go and visit any time you wish. We'll get back with your on where we are placing them. They have to leave with us right now. Get there clothes and pack hem up for them. The state was our parents now. The seven of us left and was divided up on which foster parents could take what. It was four boys and three girls, ages from thirteen to one year old. Rosetta the oldest girl was placed with Mr. and Mrs.(Gertude) Allen Woods. Fred and William Harry the oldest of the boys were placed with Mr. and Mrs. (Adeline)Johnny Swanson. Arlean, Lugertha and Linda was placed with Mr. Ernest and Mrs. Elizabeth Hadnot and what a time we had from then on. Mr and Mrs Wood were a couple that had been married about 28 years with three grown sons, no grandchildren and along at their home in Colfax, La. Oh of course they had been foster parent to two other children from little babies sister and brother Ernestine and Earl Dixon. My sister did as she was told. She worked and the man, Mr. Allen would call her out, Rosetta to the barn and did sexual things that was not approved. One day when no one was home Mr. Allen did the NO NO! and after that she was not able to get out of bed for the pain she had. Mrs Wood took her to the doctor and they didn't check her private parts. They claimed because she was a ward of the state she had a mind problem. She was placed in a insane hospital and just left there, because she was hurt and told and that taught the other girls what not to do or say. The Swanson were good people. They had no children and my two brothers was in a sweet loving home. Fred left and came a lot. I had no idea where he would be gone too. I just knew he was about one of the busy people I knew.

#1

My childhood:
I was born March 24 1947 in Dodson, La. on a windy day, very cold, and damp. I arrived on or about 2:45am gave my mother a hell of a hard time. I had curly hair, big brown eyes all fingers and toes just a olive colored and yelled all the time just because I could. Being a bay was not all that good, because we had bad times, poor, mother sick, and no friends or people to give a helping hand. So my momma did her very best. I grew up fast, I learned the hard way and I survived I made it. Along about the age of three, mother start getting sick, she had a lot of good days, but mostly bad ones that just know one could do anything about but God. My mother sickness for a month was okay every one asked as if thy cared and gave a little help in many small ways However after the month passed no one came bye or even asked unless they were calling names or making fun of my mother Her nick name in those days were the mud woman with the headaches My momma headache were so bad until she would seem like another woman, not my mother as I knew but after the pain all momma gain. This went on and on until every other day was a hard tasks to live with but we all stuck together and work to try to keep thing as normal as we could. The family was big we have twelve children ranging in ages from eighteen to four months. My oldest sister cooked, kept the little ones and seen after mother while the two boys worked in the woods and fields. We would go though the woods to our great grandma and she would send mother some medicine for her headaches and this is and was the only thing that would work and we live. My that little jar from Grandma Martha's.
It was the beginning of the summer or maybe I should say getting warm days and no rain and my brothers brought all the little kids big tree tires and rope swing in the oak tree in the back. Fred took the big tree trunk and a long board and made us a seesaw with rope handles on both ends. We were in heaven. We played hard for a couple of weeks before one afternoon my sis called and told us to come to the house at once. When we got all in she told us mother was sick and she needed some medicine from grandma. She told my brother Scott, Lue and myself Arlean to go get the medicine. I started crying because I knew it would have gotten dark in just a little bit. They all was going to be making me cry and the people houses we passed bye would yelled out very loud That's that mad woman kids. Yet we did what we had to do so Mama would feel better. It look likes it was a long 10 miles walk but it was only one and a half miles though the woods. We walked, we ran, we even skipped and finally we made it to granny. Sit down for look like two minutes and off again to bring it back so mama could get better. We heard the people and we didn't hear, because it had gotten to be a broken record, because we knew our mother being okay only matter to the twelve of us. When we made it around the corner It was cars, trucks and all kind of people in and around our house and my sister was standing bye a long black car crying calling us to hurry up and get here. When we reach the black car I could not see a thing My brothers looked in the window of the car and started crying I was saying pick me up pick me up then and only then my sister pick me up and said Your mother is gone I said gone where, what that covered up in the car that is mama I want her back I kept screaming and no one came to help us but Mrs Eulla Lee and the next day has being the same until this year 2003 on mothers day Thanks for my Kids.

Arlean Morgan

Pride

Episode 1

Mae and Kae were a year and two months apart. This was talked about at the kitchen table throughout the years. Surprising the two girls was light ages away in personality. Mae was out spoken and wise on issue that exceeded her age often giving advice when not seek ed and finding out information to create content confusion. Kae was sweet and always offering a word of hope. Trying to keep her family and the world around her peaceful and great. The mother often was asked what in the world was she going to do with Mae. Mo affectionally called by her family would laugh and say she will be the one that I have to keep from going to jail. Bobo and Rick was both babies in every since of the word fighting for affection from Mo. The whole family would love to speak of all the ill that would/could happen. Mae was strong and stood the firing sward many days. This day was a little different because she felt bad and her strength would be tested by her little brother, Bobo. The driveway needed sweeping and the trash emptied and the chores of the house was clearly known. The living room, mama's bathroom and bedroom for Kae, the kitchen, den, and guest bathroom for Mae, and the trash, and driveway for Bobo. These chores have to be done before their mother got off her first job at L&P lumberyard at 6pm. It was now about 5:45pm and neither the driveway or the trash was emptied. This would not have been a big deal because usually when chores was left undone Mae would do them to prevent her mother from getting upset. Not this day she was going to show Bobo that he would have to pull his own weight around here. She was tired of picking up the pieces she was tired of being the strong one she wanted to just scream with anger but her voice would not let her. She told Kae and Rick to talk to Bobo and she overheard Kae talking about how stress their mother had been over losing the living room furniture and trying to pay off that loan for the car. This made Mae more upset and ready to cause bodily harm to her little brother whom didn't know that this was as serious as Mae had made it. Kae told Mae that Bobo still would not do it after she talked with him. Now 6:00pm Mae and Kae knew it needed to be done so Kae reached for the broom and Mae held the broom to stop Kae from attempting to sweep up. Kae knew that if the chores was not done that this would mean all of them would get in trouble but Mae screamed that she would gladly take what was coming before she would let Kae or Rick complete the chores.
Minutes later the car drove up the driveway and we all stood in the entrance of the house waiting for mama to come, fear entered the souls of Kae, Rick, and Bobo but not Mae she felt good inside because mama would know whose been doing what. Mo looked around the house with those big brown eyes and said get my belt you all know I work to hard to keep the bills paid and food on the table for you all not to do the simple stuff I ask. Mae began to explain why the driveway and the trash was still around. Mo interrupted and said if you can't be proud of where you stay and how it looks you just worth to stay in a card box somewhere. She continued to lecture on the cleanliness of what you got and not the value of things. Mae had heard this part so many times you may not have but two pair of pants and a shirt but you can clean your body and wash those to look as well as you can. This lecture didn't stop mother from using Mr. BELT on our back sides. She spelled out PRIDE.

Let's not sit down

The day has came when the thought of change is not so crazy. I have for months thought about the possibility of a change in the way business is ran and the way we view our financial deeds. Why now is the question I have posed to myself. I love the idea of my children growing up in a world that anything is possible. The new president race and candidates is such a refreshing thing to see woman and black compete for the most important position in the world is GREAT. I hope that people everywhere will see the chance of change and run with the idea that yes life is what you make of it. We as Americans have been sitting down on the job of protecting our families and loveones. Let us take this opportunity to help one person in your family get though a difficult time and choose to stand for what you believe in. Let's start today.

Full Circle

June 28, 2007

BIRTH GROWTH REVELATION DEATH

March 24, 1947, big eyed, brown skinned newborn arrived on the plant earth to be gain the revelation of love and forgiveness. Many days past without the understanding that to live is to love and to love is to be able to forgive the sick individuals in this world we live. Higher powers exists to show the inner you the good in people and things all around us. The ability to gain strength in the journey of life leave some in the highest places and some in the very lowest of places all to show the revelation of the true you. To take life's little griefs with the understanding that nothing is forever and all things grow and become stronger to become weaker. This life's lessons can be demonstrated though this story. A very trusting little girl lost her mother at an early age. This was a very shocking experience. The good of this is that every person must loose to see what is important. The younger you are when you experience this lessons leads me to think that your journey here on earth is one of fulfills portions. This young girl was five years old in a world of confusion and sorrow. Sibling of this girl ranged in age from twenty to one, with the oldest child a male and not interested in gaining a complete family. However, the oldest girl attempted to keep the family intact but her attempt was unsuccessful. The sadness was these children would be bounded around the state in foster care for months before finding a foster family that would keep the majority of them together. This foster family would later move to Los Angles and thousands of miles from the small village of Dodson, La. The oldest girl Arana Lee Scott Fountain would continue to try and reunite the family. This child would be successful in the year of 1971 to contact all living siblings and arrange to see all of them. This was the rebirth of the Scott/Crockerham family. This was the fulfillment of her journey from child to adulthood in her life. She was the mother of the family from that point to her death in the year of 1990 at the age of 58. The mother of the family found its way to the shoulders of this young girl that had been separated from her family at such a young and tender age. This child would prove to be able to carry this load. What most of the family did not know was this child had been faced with many terrible issues. Trust and love was however, this child's strengths and weakness. Though the journey of her life she found love and strength in her offspring. This was her movement from child to adulthood.

HE SET ME FREE

MOMA'S FREEDOM

CAN I GRIEVE FOR YOU?

DON'T GRIEVE FOR ME, FOR NOW I'M FREE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?

I'M FOLLOWING THE PATH GOD LAID FOR ME.

I TOOK HIS HAND WHEN I HEARD HIM CALL

I TURNED MY BACK AND LEFT IT ALL.

I COULD NOT STAY ANOTHER DAY

TO LAUGH, TO LOVE, TO WORK OR PLAY.

TASKS LEFT UNDONE MUST STAY THAT WAY.

I FOUND THAT PACE AT THE CLOSE OF DAY.

Hug from Heaven

This day was just as the prior day full of sad moments, disappointments and so forth. I was attempting to fight this depression bug that seem at time to find me. I lost the most precious love one in my life on June 28, 2006, my beloved mother, friend and support system Arlean C. Morgan. Since this time I have been searching for some type of answers and wanting to hear or see a vision or dream a dream to give me some type to comfort. Well, back to this day January 7, 2007, fight relentless the pest of depression I decided to help a coworker with some of their duties. This duty of passing out trays on a surgical floor lead me to the true answer in which I have searched for since the passing of my moma. A moderately dressed lady was at her love one side holding her hand and expressing love in which reminded me of my relationship with my mother. This vision compelled me to ask the lady her name. It was then that my grief would be stopped in this second "The Name was Arlene" this name sound like the same but spelled wrong. The key to this was I just like to hear the name said by people in a loving way this was one of the blessing of hearing the name.

Homie

This is from my homie:
It seem as if it was just two minutes ago when we were sitting and talking about anything she(Arlean) want we are going to get it if possible. On day it was catfish from the catfish shop only you knew how to get to downtown Irving. Hell, it was good as hell, that cancer taste bulbs was not at joke it made food that she want taste like shit. But just about time you thought the last was it then came the Jake burger, which my sister and my cousin looked high and low for the Jake burger. Only to find out that she only wanted a bite and that was it. My sister felt that she maybe had dropped the ball but only God knew she only needed a small bite out of life to get the whole concept of life in a small second. So this is for my homie Arlean better known as my wonderful mother and friend who if you ever seen, talked or been in her present you would love her. She loved life and love people in which she would invite into her life, family and home in as much time as it took to to say hello. So now it is up to me and you to invite life and love in and enjoy the love of the day by day notion to love. May God bless all that know the love of people. As you and I knew her it was love.

My Girl

5'11 It seems as if it was just a week ago when I brought her home from Jackson Parish Hospital all dressed up in her blue dress with red little flowers. Yellow as hell! Well, now she is holding her own identity on the basketball court and loving it. I can't not express how proud I am of her and choosing the right decisions in her life. I will tell you a little decision she made. She was at Winnfield Middle School. Cheer leading and playing basketball, popular with the crowds because of the status in which cheer leading has afforded shy children who meets up to the status of cheer leading. She cheered with a small voice and a great smile. She played basketball with all her heart and soul. She came to me after the season was over and said, "Moma, I don't want to be a cheerleader anymore. Next, year I want to concentrate on my basketball." I asked her why she had came up with this decision and she looked me in the eye and said I can get a free education doing something that I love hopefully. Well, its years later and she been to AAU's National for age 15 and under for the last 2 years. This now 14 year old has been playing with girls older than her and more experience but to look on the court the advantage is not so easily seen. Motherhood is wonderful for moments like these I hope young mothers will have some of the same joys I have experience with raising my children.

PLEASE SPECIFY

Woke up this morning and I had to ask what must I go and do. Life has many questions and many answers. Yes, life, is what we make. Special sessions of daily rotating presentations on our quest to success. Going to parties, career opportunities, and I had to ask what must I go and do. Breakfast, Is my life build around nourishment if you looked at my buttock you might give me confirmation. Still though I had to wake up and ask that same dam question business as usual I don't think that is the route for this Black woman. I fell to my knees asking the Lord God what must I do today. Just as quick as I fell down to the earth the Lord God had an answer for me. No, NO, NOT that whole Holy role that those old ladies played in church. NO! GOD TOLD ME PLEASE SPECIFY.

God's grace

God's grace

Woe People

The grease filled room with an old scent of maple seem like a jungle of emotions rolled up like a big ball of wax waiting to be taken over by the sheer heat of the flames. Your kitchen is so hot you want to immediately run away. This seem like the type of freedom you need when you realize that it is not just the grease, wax and heat that keeps the flame but the universe in which you collect the energy to move. In all that is real is the grease, and heat of the powering force that keep you in balance with the truth. Hunger awaits you. No one can be certain of destiny. Living is the not knowing what awaits you. The beauty is the ability to grasp the concept that you don't know what's on tomorrow and live today. There are so many things to be happy about. But as human and the imperfect being we are we tend to get caught up in the negative. I dare you and most of all myself to start a positive frame of mine. I have not been letting myself live today. I as many of us caught up in the financial woes have not a clue. I have also been guilty of self pity. Who would ever guess that this type of behavior is what eats us alive and locks us into the path of death long before time.

Strong Woman(Arlean C. Morgan)

Strong Woman
Arlean had strong arms to hold up her children.
Strong fists to keep us from harm.
Now, she have rest to keep her from Pain.
We must let go and let God be our aim.
God will help us when the sorrow get to big to claim.
God's love overpowers them all.
Trust your strong family ties.
Remember, the death you shared.
Once the washing of the soul was done.
No one can tare you from the strong hands and love
Provided daily for the years our mother LOVED!!!!!!

Name

No one knows the time and place.
Where will you be?

When will be the time?

What and How will you be called?

Give thanks to that which is call on the front and end of the thought that brought together the maternal and paternal seeds.

Be careful not to bring mistrust or disgust to the gift.

Which was given by those seeds that became one in love.

It is up to you to bring love, hate, joy, or pain to the dash that will be filled by the freedom and imprisonment of your dash.

So, I must not bring hate or disgust to that wonderful gift.

I must focus on the goal at hand and tunnel my whole being to that and hold up the arms and cling to the belief that maternal seed nurtured in me!

Yes, I too must die with that name in which I'm proud of!

Reflections

Glass, Metals, Brass, and Gold. What do you see? Look, deep below the shiny cover. What are you hiding? See it there! That's it, yes, see it. Does it feel cool like an ocean breeze. Hot like the mid summer day in August on pavement on the brightest day ever. Warm like the old chunky soup that grandma use to make. What about that night when there stars was so bright you tried to wish on every single one. Might it be the vision that was told to you by that old woman that stayed down the block. Flight or Fight which one will be the beginning and ending path on your way to that home tucked away under that shiny cover. Reflect all that you dare to show. Look deep until you find your soul. Some will be looking for a long time. There is cookies and milk in the back for the one left to ride the hidden bus.

My birth name given to me by the paternal and maternal parts of my ancestors. The pearl of the world inwhich I so boldly represent. I, am one of the worlds most priceless works. The mother of Pearl, Margaret my paternal and maternal gift. This is the representation of great women within my family. This precious name given time and time again in the riches family tree of love. I will walk there in the glow. I will give the grace shown to me and live the life I have admired in the materal jewel, Arlean. I dare you to show the love of your family and your ancestors. To be able to find your history and look at the examples given to you by time and grace is a wonderful gift. To live and not tap into this resource is a sad thing. I dare you to walk in the newness of hope, relate and conversate with your sisters and brothers. I dare you to let go of the hate and bitter weeds that choke the life from your life. Would it not be wonderful if hate and bitterness did not take on such a large percentage of the world. Yes, this is were God's grace came into play for the souls of mankind. I will not let bitterness, sadness, lost and anger keep me from enjoying the love that was so greatly placed in my nuturing and soul. Live on Arlean in my speech, actions and gestures. Death is to the grave but Grace and Love is everlasting.